true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
