I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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