and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
