no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
