There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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