they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
