My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I can't turn off my feet"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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