he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Help. Why am I so naked?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
