I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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