You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
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