i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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