ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
ttyl tear gas
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
