They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Randomize
