was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
