Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just gargled with NyQuil
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
