Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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