I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
