Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
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