What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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