My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
