a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
