I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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