Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
