Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
