Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
