I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
