There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
