yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
