Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
