Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
