I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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