Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
