hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
