dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
