The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
