i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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