Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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