I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
