he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
