they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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