My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
