It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
