So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
