Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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