Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
