he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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