You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
