We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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