Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
