so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
