Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
