so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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