I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
