I faked an abortion last night.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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