i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
